We are mere days from the start of an unprecedented school year. Summer’s end, and the start of a fresh academic year, always bring about a range of emotions—excitement, angst, anxiety and anticipation—for parents and kids alike. How do we prepare ourselves and our children, both pragmatically and emotionally, for a school year on the horizon that is fraught with such a lack of definitiveness?
More than anything else, our children depend on our direct communication, candor and emotional attunement. Let’s have open conversations with them in these final days leading up to September that help normalize their experience, and provide room for them to share their concerns without fear of our reactivity. You may wish to prepare them for a re-entry adjustment period; after so many months of family and home-time, children and parents alike will need to adjust to being apart, and being back in brick-and-mortar structures, for stretches of time. It may also be healthy to go over the possibility of school beginning and then returning to virtual, should the virus return, and to discuss the many steps being taken to reduce the probability of that taking place. Speaking about emotions and situations we are likely to experience in advance builds connectedness, reduces anxiety, and helps our children to understand that they are not alone with their big feelings. We can be transparent about our own difficulties confronting uncertainty.
Like me, you have probably spent much of the summer asking yourself the “million-dollar question”: To send, or not to send? Perhaps you are now questioning that decision or experiencing self-doubt in your choice. That yellow bus, rambling down the road around September 1, whisking our children away for a year of social, emotional and intellectual development and scholastic achievement has always been something we can count on. Eek! Scratch that. No wonder so many of us have experienced tension, decision fatigue and stress. A steady and reliable system of infrastructure has been stripped down, tossed around, and reassembled in a way we don’t recognize. As parents, we are managing our own grief, frustration, fear and projections, while trying to model composure and instill confidence in our kids.
First, I think we all could use a hug. We are each doing our best to ensure a safe and smooth path for our children, in uncharted waters, and therefore it has never been more important to be gentle with ourselves and each other. Second, I would like to suggest a courageous way of looking at this unusual school year. What if we attempted, both individually and collectively, to lean in to the uncertainty of these times? If I had to call out essential qualities for an effective life, I would use three words: Adaptiveness, flexibility and resilience. If I asked you to reflect, you would likely tell me that your biggest obstacles were what cultivated your character, and ultimately, produced your greatest results. I think we all theoretically agree that challenges force us to take a step back to examine what is working or not working in an objective way. In fact, I’m certain that, for you and I both, this recent reflection has already bred creativity and resourcefulness beyond what we all thought we were capable of.
While there are questions that no one can yet answer, we can focus on aspects that we can control. We can also remind our kids that unknowns are a part of life, and that while we don’t always like them, we do need to regulate through them. Be it in-person learning, distance learning, homeschooling pod, private tutor, or a hybrid model…we will each rise to the occasion this academic year. We’ve got this. We’re equipped.
Originally published in "Greenfield Hill Neighbors Magazine August 2020 issue".
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