As lovely weather approaches, many of us look forward to seeing our kids partake in all of the fun activities summertime offers: swimming, sports, and plenty of fresh air… Regrettably, another realism of this less-structured season is that they will soon have more time to spend online!
Social time and the desire for peer acceptance are developmentally appropriate priorities for teens. The foundation for social-emotional wellbeing is built on positive, affirmative communities of belonging, which teens have traditionally found through natural environmental outlets (think: sports, clubs, the arts, family, neighbors, and friends.) But what are the implications when these days, teens are interacting electronically nearly as much as they are IRL (in real life)?!
Westport CT-based outpatient counseling centers, LIFT Wellness Group and LIFT Teen + Parent Wellness Centers, credit measurable upticks in teen mental health to some of the downsides of our digital age, chief among them, cyberbullying. Let’s be honest: we’ve all experienced the dehumanizing aspect of communicating online. In the absence of direct eye contact, social cues, body language, or immediate proximal relational consequence, words are said (or memes shared,) that cannot be retrieved, often with insufficient consideration towards the receiver! It should be no surprise that this phenomenon does not pair well with the underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex of an adolescent brain.
While cyberbullying, which is harm inflicted on others through personal technology, happens to individuals of all ages, adults possess skills to recover that teens may not. Cyberbullying takes root, and is perpetuated, largely in virtual spaces devoid of supervision: text messages, gaming platforms (Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and Twitter,) chat games (Roblox, PUBG, Overwatch, Call of Duty Black Ops, Fortnite and God of War,) video sharing, streaming, and community platforms (YouTube, Discord and Twitch.) The goal of a cyberbully is to intimidate, shame, or coerce a targeted person or group. While done in a myriad of ways, examples of cyberbullying behaviors include spreading lies/misinformation, posting embarrassing content, sending/forwarding hurtful messages or illicit images/videos, impersonating others, or posting with intention to willfully bait, reject, or exclude others.
There are inherent dilemmas around teens and safe cyber activity. First, teens are working to differentiate and therefore may not disclose what is happening in their online lives. Because advancements in technology have rolled out faster than you can say ‘metaverse,’ we parents, who did not grow up with social media, find ourselves at an impasse regarding setting limits with tech. Some weigh known risks of social media against the risk of their child being left out of conversations, and are unclear how to proceed, while others believe it’s unrealistic to begin drawing limits on tech, after years of established permissibility. While social media may serve as a haven for teens who struggle to find their place in the community, excessive time online is correlated with mental health and poor self-image. We continue to experience the fallout from the relationship our youth developed with technology when it was designated a primary mode of social contact and academic stimulation during the pandemic. Resultingly, when cyberbullying is internalized as perceived public perception, teens are uniquely susceptible to its impact, and can react intensely to the palpable experience of rejection.
While peer-pressure may have had a greater hand than best-practice regulation in setting parameters for safe teen tech utilization thus far, it is NOT too late to explore how your child’s online identity is routinely altering, shaping, and influencing their actual life.
8 Steps PARENTS can take to help teens:
1. Call a tech meeting for the family and discuss research and rationale for implementing healthy tech parameters. Suggested parameters include leaving all devices to rest in a centrally-located point in the home, setting timers to disarm devices after allotted periods of use, having devices automated to shut down at bedtime/charging time, forbidding tech at the family table/before homework, and storing all devices on airplane mode, charging overnight in master bedroom.
2. Begin initiating an open, curious, and transparent dialogue with teens during and after their tech use, asking questions about who they were chatting with, whether their conversations made them feel good, and why/why not.
3. Model openness by including teens in conversations about experiences you’ve had with hurtful interactions online.
4. Educate yourself on cyberbullying, and watch vigilantly for its warning signs: anxiety, fear, or dread about going places, secrecy, avoidance, anxiety about technology, an increased desire for privacy or solitude, social withdrawal, a lack of interest in activities, changes in mood, behavior, sleep, appetite, or “acting out” behaviors such as anger.
5. Ensure your teen knows that you will take any needed action to remediate cyberbullying, including getting help from available resources, such as school or bullying hotlines, the appropriate authorities, and medical and wellness professionals. Ensure your teen is aware that physical threats or crimes (extortion, stalking, blackmail, sexual exploitation) must be reported to the police.
6. Model and foster resilience with your child by reading books or watching age-appropriate movies on bullying together.
7. Do a “social media cleanse” as a family, unfollowing all accounts which trigger sad, angry, jealous, or hurt feelings. Talk about the JOMO (the joy of missing out,) and how putting your well-being first is an act of self-care. If you or your teen are not ready to block someone, remember that restricting an account allows the accountholder to approve, delete or ignore comments.
8. Provide alternatives. Teens not only need to know what not to do, but what TO do instead! Offer a variety of engaging options for family and social time to mitigate the impact of the virtual world, by cultivating nurturing and affirming real-life relationships. We can’t take something away without replacing it.
8 Steps TEENS can take to help themselves:
1. On social media platforms, promptly block any accounts that are bullying. Witnessing bullying promoted vicarious trauma, which makes you feel unsafe even when you aren’t the victim.
2. Formally report any bullying behavior on the platform itself. This is a very important step in stopping bullying and preventing others from being harmed or harming themselves.
3. Collect evidence. Save and/or screenshot any text messages or social media posts you come across that are harmful, inappropriate, cruel, or abusive. Cyberbullies leave a digital footprint.
4. Don’t retaliate. If you see or experience bullying online, block the posts, and seek help from trusted outside sources.
5. Don’t be an accomplice. Don’t share instances of bullying with those who aren’t helping you make it stop. This doesn’t help the situation and can spread harm, intentionally or not.
6. Never share private information like passwords, addresses, or phone numbers with anyone online.
7. Make all social media accounts private. You can control your audience and who sees your posts. Choose to allow only those you care about, trust, and respect to follow your accounts. Turn off comments, limit comments, or filter comments as needed.
8. Refrain from interacting with anyone online who you do not personally know. This includes not clicking on any links from unknown people. Control who is allowed to message you by adjusting your privacy settings. It’s best to allow messaging only from those you know, trust, and respect.
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
Child Abuse
(800) 422-4453
Crisis Text Line
Crisis Support
(all topics includi
Text TRUST to 741741
Cyber Civil Rights Initiative (CCRI)
Image-Based Sexual Abuse
(844) 878-2274
Boys Town National Hotline
Teen Mental Health Support
(all topics including bullying)
(800) 448-3000
Text: VOICE to 20121
Games and Online Harassment Hotline
Emotional Support for Gamers
Text: SUPPORT to 23368
GLBT National Youth Talkline
(800) 246-7743
NAMI National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline
Mental Health Conditions
(800) 950-6264
Text: Helpline to 62640
helpline@nami.org
National Alliance for Eating Disorders
Eating Disorders
(866) 662-1235
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC)
Child Sexual Exploitation
(800) 843-5678
National Dating Abuse Helpline
Dating Abuse
(866) 331-9474
Text: LOVEIS to 22522
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Domestic Violence
(800) 799-7233
(800) 787-3224
Text: START to 88788
National Eating Disorders Association
Eating Disorders
(800) 931-2237
National Grad Crisis Line
Crisis and Suicide Intervention for Grad Students
(877) 472-3457
National Human Trafficking Hotline
Human Trafficking
(888) 373-7888
Text: HELP to 233733
National Sexual Assault Hotline
Sexual Assault
(800) 656-4673
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Suicide Prevention
(888) 628-9454
Safe Place
Teens in Crisis
(all topics, including bullying)
Text: safe to 44357
SAMHSA Disaster Distress Helpline
Emotional distress related to natural or human-caused disasters
(800) 985–5990
Text: TalkWithUs to 66746
STOMP Out Bullying Helpchat Crisis Line
Bullying and Cyberbullying
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Suicide and Crisis Emotional Support
988
Teen Line
Teen Support
(all topics, including bullying)
(800) 852-8336
Text: TEEN to 839863
Trevor Project
LGBTQ youth, friends, family
(866) 488-7386
Text: Start to 678678
Vita Activa
LGBTQ Stress, Trauma, Crisis, Chronic Fatigue and/or Gender Violence
52155-8171-1117 (Whatsapp)
@VitaActivaOrg
Resources for Parents
Parental Controls
Nintendo Switch Parental Controls
Microsoft Windows Parental Controls
Ultimate Guide to Parental Controls
Parent's Guide to Instagram
Parent’s Guide for Bullying on Instagram
Parent’s “Pressure to Be Perfect” Guide to Instagram
How to Deal With Conflicts and Abuse on Instagram
Common Sense Media Review: Instagram
Instagram Safety and Privacy Settings
TikTok
TikTok Account and Privacy Settings
Parent's Guide to TikTok Safety for Teens
Common Sense Media Review: TikTok
Parent's Ultimate Guide to TikTok
TikTok Safety and Privacy Controls
Common Sense Media Review: Facebook
Snapchat
Common Sense Media Review: Snapchat
Parent's Ultimate Guide to Snapchat
Common Sense Media Review: Twitter
YouTube
Parent's Guide to YouTube Kids
Parent's Guide to Family-Friendly YouTube Channels
Discord
Parent's Ultimate Guide to Discord
Discord Blocking and Privacy Settings
Reporting Abusive Behavior to Discord
How To Enable Parental Controls on Discord
Twitch
Filing a Report on Twitch (Web)
Filing a Report on Twitch (Mobile)
Common Sense Media Review: Twitch
Twitch Guide for Parents and Educators
Twitch Community Guidelines and Safety
Report Harassment and Cyberbullying on Pinterest
Common Sense Media Review: Pinterest
How to Block Someone on Pinterest
Edit Account Privacy on Pinterest
Tumblr
Is Tumblr Safe for Kids? What Parents Should Know
Common Sense Media Review: Tumblr
Common Sense Media Review: WhatsApp
Blocking and Reporting on WhatsApp
How to Use WhatsApp Responsibly
ChatGPT
Navigating the Risks of ChatGPT
Minecraft
Parent's Ultimate Guide to Minecraft
Roblox
Parent's Ultimate Guide to Roblox
Fortnite
