As the end of summer approaches and the fall weather begins to set in, the excitement of a new school year can be tinged with a sense of anxiety for many young people. Back-to-school anxiety is a common phenomenon that can affect schoolgoers of all ages, from kindergarteners to college students. The mix of unfamiliar routines, academic challenges, social adjustments, and the uncertainty of what lies ahead can trigger feelings of unease. However, by recognizing the causes of this anxiety and implementing effective coping strategies, both students and their parents can make the transition back to school a smoother and more positive experience.
Let’s dive right into common school-related stressors for children, teens, and young adults. Your child may experience discomfort and fear due to any of the following:
The idea of separating from parents (separation anxiety)
Worries about meeting academic expectations, test anxiety
Concerns about peer/social interactions and conflict
The fear of bullying
Worries of sensory overload (such as navigating loud, crowded school hallways and cafeteria)
It is not at all unusual for young people to experience at least a little anticipatory anxiety leading up to the new school year — and for parents to notice a rise in worries.
How to Identify Your Child’s Back-to-School Anxiety
You may notice your child asking many school-related questions about the grade they are entering and their new classroom or teacher as a way to seek assurance. Sometimes you may even notice your child asking the same questions repeatedly, in an effort to process their anxiety and find some reassurance from a parent. These questions are often socially related, and may sound like “What if my friends are not in my class? When will I see them? What if I don't have anyone to sit with at lunch?”
As the new academic year approaches, some families may notice their school-aged children and teens increasingly worrying about their image: their clothing, their physical appearance, or even if they have the “right” or “best” school supplies.
In some cases, health may be affected: school-aged children and teens may experience trouble falling asleep or changes in sleep patterns in the days leading up to the first day of class or have increased physical complaints like headaches, stomachaches, and fatigue.
Some young people may attempt to cope with their back-to-school anxiety with avoidance behaviors surrounding school-related activities, including academic avoidance and even truancy.
The more parents can understand and empathize with their child, the more parents will be able to help their child find solutions to this period of psychological discomfort.
What Parents Should Know: Psychoeducation for Families with School Children
Becoming familiar and understanding your child’s school-related anxiety involves a deeper dive into the thoughts that are fueling the anxiety itself. Here are the different types of anxious thought patterns your child may be experiencing as the return to school awaits:
Social anxiety is characterized by a fear of social interactions and/or a fear of negative judgment from others. In regards to going back to school, your child may experience social apprehension, fear of speaking up or presenting in class, or dread casual interactions and/or organized social events. Social anxiety is most commonly found in young children and adolescents and tends to start earlier for girls than boys (Lebowitz, 2021). Some other fears of children with social anxiety are: eating in front of others, using public restrooms, and answering a question in class (Lebowitz, 2021).
Academic anxiety comes naturally for many middle schoolers and high schoolers, especially for those who feel pressured to do well, or for those with perfectionist tendencies. Encourage your child to do their best every day, and that their best is good enough. You might even encourage them to understand that their “best” will look different from day to day, and that is also okay. Be supportive and encourage their best efforts, but don’t encourage comparison. “Do your best, don’t worry about the rest” is a helpful affirmation that your child can remember during their busy school day. Avoid using any language that pressures your child to perform to a certain standard. Practice radical acceptance of your child by affirming them for making a good effort. Avoid shaming or punishing your child for receiving a lower grade than expected. For many, self-esteem can be tied to academic performance. Remember to love your child unconditionally by offering praise when they show up and complete assignments, and when they don’t perform well on a test, validate their feelings and approach them with gentle curiosity and supportive language. Be a part of their solution.
Intrusive thoughts can create anxiety for many children. Intrusive thoughts are sudden, unwanted, and uncontrollable thoughts (often anxiety-based) that give rise to anxious thought cycles. A good way of navigating intrusive anxious thoughts is by externalizing them. Help your child understand they are separate from their thoughts by helping them practice mindful awareness of their thoughts. A helpful image for children is to consider their minds as the sky and to help your child visualize thoughts as clouds passing through the sky of their mind. It may be helpful to remind your child that weather, much like our thoughts, is a passing condition that doesn’t last forever. Another way to tackle intrusive thoughts with your child is to give the anxious/intrusive thoughts a name, like the “Inner Bully.” You can help your child self-soothe by giving them examples of how to respond to these anxious thoughts.
Here is how parents can help with back-to-school anxiety
Acknowledge and allow your child to experience anxiety instead of avoiding it. A natural inclination we may have with our anxieties is the avoidance of situations that provoke the anxiety. As a parent, you may also feel naturally compelled to protect your child from stressors or help reassure them that their worries aren’t necessary. Despite a parent’s best intentions, protecting children from what they fear can actually reinforce the anxiety thought cycle. It’s best to acknowledge your children’s emotions and help them brainstorm baby steps to empower them to take actions that can help them self-soothe and resolve their concerns while providing the necessary scaffolding to help them execute their problem-solving actions. Be sure to help your child identify the emotion they may be experiencing. For example, you might say “It sounds like you’re feeling anxious
Be solution-focused. Parents are naturally inclined to protect their children, with a deep desire to eliminate stressors or help them avoid situations that cause anxiety. You may notice yourself doing this when you reassure your child that their worries won't come true. However, this can actually contribute to a negative cycle that reinforces anxiety in the long term. Instead, acknowledge your child's emotions, then help them brainstorm small steps to find solutions to their worries and concerns. This will empower your child to take action to help themselves and teach them healthy coping skills, and emotional self-regulation (a key ingredient to healthy parenting). For example, you might say, "It sounds like you're feeling anxious about your new history class. Why don’t we look at the syllabus together?" Boost your child by praising them for any brave behaviors, rather than letting them give in to their anxiety.
Gradual Exposure: Expose children to the school environment before the first day. This can include visiting the school, meeting teachers, or attending orientation events. Familiarity can reduce the fear of the unknown.
Set realistic expectations: Teach children that it's okay not to be perfect. Setting realistic goals and expectations can alleviate the pressure to excel at everything.
Positive framing. Help children reframe negative thoughts into positive ones. Instead of focusing on what might go wrong, encourage them to think about the exciting aspects of the new school year.
Open communication. Encourage open dialogue between parents and children about their feelings regarding the upcoming school year. By addressing concerns and uncertainties, parents can offer reassurance and support.
Practice school routines. Try out “a school day dress rehearsal” to help your child become familiar with their daily routine during the school year. Have your child set their alarm for a school day wake time that allows them enough time to get ready, eat breakfast, pack lunch, and gather any needed materials for school, all in time to take the “bus.”
Model behavior problem-solving behaviors and emotional self-regulation strategies. Demonstrate the types of behaviors and coping skills you’d like to see in your child as they navigate their school day. Children model what they see in others, especially parental figures. If your child notices you taking deep breaths before doing a difficult task, for example, they may be more inclined to do the same independently. A great tip for parents: use feeling statements to identify your emotions. This will increase your child’s emotional vocabulary, helping them articulate their inner experience and be better able to ask for help—a very valuable and positive coping skill that helps them work their communication skills to boot.
Extracurricular activities. Encourage participation in extracurricular activities or hobbies that your child enjoys. These activities provide a sense of accomplishment and opportunities for social interactions.
Help your child get adequate sleep. The shift from a summer wake-up schedule to the school year wake-up time can be very challenging for many children, particularly preteens. Fatigue from inadequate or not enough sleep can make children much more vulnerable to anxiety. A helpful strategy might be to gradually move your child's wake-up time earlier and earlier in short increments in the weeks leading up to the start of school. Help create calm in your child’s room by removing screens (TV, phone, computer) outside the bedroom at night, playing gentle music, diffusing essential oils like lavender, installing a soft night light, and making sure they feel physically comfortable and supported by their bedding.
Seek professional help: If anxiety becomes overwhelming and persistent, consider consulting a mental health professional. Therapists can provide coping strategies tailored to the individual's needs.
Back-to-school anxiety is a natural response to the changes that a new academic year brings. By understanding its underlying causes and implementing effective strategies, both parents and young people can navigate this transition with greater ease. Remember that addressing anxiety is a gradual process, and with patience, support, and a positive outlook, the return to school can be a period of growth, learning, and new experiences.
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