The Real Reason Your Kids Can’t Get Along This Time of Year
A family therapist’s perspective on why it happens — and how to bring peace back home
As a therapist who works closely with families year-round, I can tell you something with absolute certainty: if your kids seem to be fighting more during the holidays, nothing is wrong with your family.
In fact, it’s incredibly common.
The holiday season disrupts the structure kids rely on to feel regulated: routines shift, bedtimes are later, sugar intake increases, extended relatives visit, and there’s far more unstructured togetherness than most children (or siblings) are used to. Meanwhile, parents are juggling work deadlines, travel, events, hosting duties… and the pressure to make everything “special.”
It’s no wonder tensions rise.
Why Sibling Conflict Peaks This Time of Year
Sibling fighting is rarely about the thing they’re actually fighting over — the remote, the red cup, the last cookie. Beneath those arguments are deeper themes I see every day in clinical work:
Competition for connection: (“Do you notice me too?”)
Emotional spillover: Big holiday feelings without great tools to express them
Loss of control: Routines change, but kids can’t name the discomfort
Developmental gaps: Different ages = different skills in sharing, patience, and impulse control
Internal stress they don’t understand: They feel the family’s stress, whether it’s spoken or not
Children often communicate through behavior long before they communicate with words.
What Parents Commonly Try (That I Promise Isn’t Helping)
Even the most loving, present parents can get stuck in patterns that accidentally fuel more conflict:
Raising your voice to “restore order”
Identifying one child as “the problem”
Forcing quick apologies without actual repair
Comparing siblings as motivation (“Look how she is behaving…”)
Trying to constantly separate them
These reactions are understandable — you’re tired, overstimulated too, and you’d like the holiday card version of your family to show up in real life. But none of these approaches teach siblings the skills they actually need.
So What Can Help Your Kids Get Along?
Here are a few strategies I coach families to try — not to grit your teeth through the season, but to reduce the intensity right now:
✔️ Prep kids in advance: Explain expectations for transitions, sharing, and downtime.
✔️ Normalize needing space: Create zones or quiet activities where each child can reset.
✔️ Name the emotion, not the behavior: “You’re feeling left out — let’s talk about what you need.”
✔️ Prioritize 1:1 parent time: Even brief, predictable moments of connection reduce rivalry.
These can prevent escalation — but for many families, the conflict is chronic, draining, and emotionally painful. If this is your reality, you deserve support.
When It’s Time to Reach Out for Help
Seek professional help if:
Conflict is constant and explosive
One sibling always ends up hurt — emotionally or physically
You dread weekends or unstructured days
You feel overwhelmed, resentful, or helpless
Therapy isn’t about “fixing” one child — it’s about transforming the relationship and giving the entire family tools to thrive.
At our practice, we use:
Family Systems Therapy to change patterns and improve relationships
CBT and DBT to build emotional regulation and coping skills
Parent Coaching to help caregivers lead confidently
Play-based approaches for younger children to learn cooperation organically
Parents often tell us they wish they had reached out sooner.
The Holidays Shouldn’t Feel Like Surviving Togetherness
You deserve to enjoy the precious time you take off work to be with your children.
Your kids deserve to feel secure, seen, and connected — not stuck in competition.
Sibling fighting is not a sign of a “failed” family. It’s a signal that support is needed.
And with the right guidance, family harmony is more than possible — it’s within reach.
Ready to Restore Peace at Home?
If sibling conflict is turning your festive season into a stress marathon, we are here to help.
