The holiday season lies around the corner, and one dish is on the table for all: gathering with family! For many, family celebrations can be pretty stressful. Perhaps you have an aunt who comments on her latest fad diet, or a grandparent who tries to connect by goading and body shaming. Or, maybe your siblings want to bake cookies and you don’t yet trust in your recovery to eat a fear food intuitively without a subsequent shame spiral. You may even have a family of origin that insists you clear your plate, and watches your every bite to judge the progress of your recovery. Regardless of your situation, one thing is for sure: the holidays can be stressful, particularly when it comes to food.
Holiday Stress! We’ve all been there.
So many holiday traditions are focused on food preparation and consumption. Sharing special foods evoke nostalgia and a sense of tradition for many who have never suffered from an eating disorder. However, those with food and body concerns may tend to isolate from family gatherings in order to protect themselves from feeling pressured, judged or stressed. Family members and allies of individuals in recovery have a responsibility to preempt and openly discuss possible triggers, and to minimize food related stressors in the environment.
The holidays can certainly be taxing for reasons other than simply food. Gift-giving and financial concerns often add burden to individuals who already struggle with depression and anxiety. The American Psychological Association has stated that over the holidays. 69% of Americans are stressed by the feeling of having a lack of time, 69% are stressed by perceiving a lack of money, and 51% are stressed over the pressure to give or get gifts. For individuals managing stress, anxiety, or in early recovery, coping skills, managing expectations, and setting clear and direct boundaries will come in handy.
How Can One Cope?
First, many who suffer from eating disorders are people-pleasers, which may lead to making commitments that they don’t feel comfortable with in order to appease loved ones. This can cause individuals to feel overwhelmed, resentful, or regretful. A therapist or trusted friend can be utilized to create a plan of traditions that bring joy, and traditions that do not carry personal meaning. Communicate about traditions you feel comfortable participating in, and even create some new traditions of your own!
Second, be realistic. If family gatherings during the holidays follow unhealthy patterns, make a plan in advance, such as bringing your own car, taking space for fresh air when overwhelmed, making a phone call for support, or leaving early if need be. Creating personal boundaries is essential.
Finally, there are times that family members give unhealthy advice. If your anxiety is worsened by family drama, strained relationships, or loss, consult your therapist to discuss and role play tactful and gracious responses to redirect conversations away from unproductive topics, and to alleviate the stress and tensions of family gatherings.
Written by Mary Dobson, with contributions from Jaqueline Hernandez
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